


When Sam Was A Kid

by bethonthemoon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Longing, Lost Love, Pining, Sastiel - Freeform, s10 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 00:23:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3670593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethonthemoon/pseuds/bethonthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Winchester remember's someone always watching over him as a child. When he finds out that it's Castiel, he knows he has to tell Castiel how he feels. Some obstacles get in the way though</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Sam Was A Kid

Sam Winchester wasn’t where he was supposed to be. He was supposed to be at the school, waiting for Dean to come and get him, but Dean never showed up. Sam thought it would be best to walk back to the motel. He couldn’t remember which street to turn down, and ended up in a shady part of town where people kept their windows shut and their doors locked. Twelve year old Sam was especially unsure what to do when he thought he recognized a sign and turned down an ally that led to a dead. 

“Crap,” he muttered, and turned around to head back, but the entrance was blocked by a group of four guys who were definitely older than Sam.

“What’s a skinny runt like you doing down here?” one of them drawled as they moved closer to Sam, blocking any chance Sam had at a quick getaway. Sam planted his feet and took a fighter’s stance, ready to go down swinging. 

They started to laugh. “Looks like we’ve got a fighter on our hands,” one said. A big burly guy, with a lot of tattoos and a beard. 

At the moment they all jumped at Sam, there was a loud bang. The guys with the tattoos was flung against the wall. In the confusion, Sam was able to run past them. He heard shouts as he pushed past, but there was no way he was looking back. He ran as hard and as fast as he could, making random turns and constantly changing directions until he stopped and leaned against a wall, taking deep heavy breaths. 

“Are you alright?” Sam whipped around to see a man, maybe twenty four, wearing a white shirt and jeans. He had jet black hair that stood out at odd angles and made it look like he had just woken up. His eyes were deep blue, and looked like they contained the sun, and every secret known to man. Sam hesitated, but turned quickly and ran around the side of the building. It took him a second to realize he was at the motel they were staying at for the time. He had been hiding behind the building without realizing it. He briskly walked to his room, constantly checking behind him to make sure the guy in white never followed. An hour later, Dean came back, panicking because Sam wasn’t at the school where he should have been.

“What were you thinking? Dad would have killed me if anything happened to you!” Dean shouted, as he grabbed Sammy and pulled him into a hug. Sam mumbled his apology, but that was all. He thought it best not to tell Dean about the gang or the stranger. 

~

Two years later, Sam lay awake looking at the ceiling in the crusty motel room in Nebraska they were at. John was asleep in the bed next to him, and Dean lay on the floor. Sam didn’t know why, but he was thinking of that day in Chicago when he was running from a gang. He fell asleep with the memory of the stranger with the messy hair behind his eyes. 

The next morning, John Winchester was gone, with nothing but a note saying he’d be back in a few weeks. Dean was angry of course, having wanted to go with him, but he knew he had to watch Sammy. So Dean brought Sam to the school and dropped him off and left. He was there when school got out and he took Sam back to the motel. 

“Hey, I’m going out, so you stay here, you got it?” Dean asked. Sam knew where he was going. He was going to the local bar to hustle pool and flirt with people. 

“Got it,” was all Sam said, and he went back to eating the Mac n Cheese Dean had made.

“All right. Lock the doors and don’t let anyone in but me.” Dean said, and then he left. 

An hour passed and Sam was getting bored. He knew there was a vending machine outside by the main building. Surly he could go there and get a snack. He grabbed the few dollars he had and some spare change. He made sure to lock the door behind him, and he went and got a pop and some candy bars. As he turned around though, he froze. There was a man there. White shirt and jeans, with the same hair and eyes as before.

“What do you want?” Sam asked, sounding braver than he felt. He stared the man down, his hand in his pocket around his knife.

“Don’t worry, Sam Winchester. I’m just here to make sure you’re safe,” was the reply. His voice was deep. Much deeper than Sam had expected. He seemed calm though, and that was soothing to Sam. He didn’t know what to do with this information though.

“Well, leave me alone!” was all Sam could think to say. He looked very silly, holding his pop and candy bars in one hand, and the other still in his pocket holding his knife. The beautiful man smiled.

“So be it, Sam Winchester,” and he turned around and walked away, slipping his hands in his pockets. He walked like he was carefree, whistling a tune to himself as he went. Sam wished he had that. 

Quickly after, Sam rushed back to the room, and locked the doors. He hid the candy in his bag, and drank his pop quickly so Dean wouldn’t know he left. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Dean didn’t come back for four more hours, and when he did, he fell into his bed and went straight to sleep. 

Sam lay awake again that night. He wished he had asked the man his name.

~

Years passed, and Sam only saw him a few more times, but never while he was by himself. It was if the man knew it would be best to stay away from Sam Winchester. Sam saw him once from a school window, again while he was with some kids from a school in Toledo, and the last time Sam saw him, he was on a train leaving for Stanford, and he saw him on the platform. 

Years after that, it wasn’t until he met an angle named Castiel that he thought of the mysterious man again. Castiel had the same black hair, and the same blue eyes, but this man walked like a soldier. He carried himself like he had the burdens of the world on his shoulders, and in a way, Castiel did. 

~

When Sam went insane, Dean went to find Cas. Castiel’s memories didn’t come back all at once though. He remembered all he had done with Dean and Sam, but his earlier memories would take time. Unfortunately, they hadn’t fully developed before he took on Sam’s madness. He went insane and was left with a demon to protect him. 

After this, Sam is left to think about Cas. Sam had his suspicions before, but now he knows for sure, Castiel was the angel looking after him while he was growing up. Sam is burdened with guilt, having felt firsthand what Cas is going through for him. Cas never fully recovers though, and then he gets sucked into purgatory with Dean. 

~

When Dean returns from Purgatory, Sam is overwhelmed with happiness, but he feels a bitter sting, knowing that Cas will never return. 

One day, Cas does return though. With no memory as to how. He doesn’t seem the same, and Sam knows in his heart that telling Castiel how he feels right now would be a mistake. It’s not until after they help Fred, the cartoon man, that Sam feels he can tell Cas about his past and how he feels, but Cas returns to Heaven. 

The next time they meet, Castiel kills Samandriel, and Sam and Dean know for a fact that there is something wrong with Cas. 

Cas returns with news of the tablet, and uses Sam’s weakness from the trials to attack Dean while under Naomi’s influence. Dean awakens Cas, and he fleas with the tablet, horrified with himself after what he just did.

~

Sam wakes up in the hospital after the trials. There are moments though that he loses his memory. One is when Cas is at the bunker, but soon after leaves. Sam has no idea why, and Dean doesn’t give much of a reason. The next memory Sam truly remembers is working with Cas to remove the left over Grace from Gadreel. Sam considers telling Cas then, but something stops him. It tugs at the back of his mind, and makes him keep his mouth shut. 

~

It’s a year later, and Dean is getting worse. He’s resisting the Mark, but he needs help. Sam enlists Cas to help him get Metatron out of Heaven again. 

“Where’s Dean?” Castiel asks the second Sam stops talking. Sam feels a tug on his heart. He knows how Cas feels about Dean, and how Dean feels about Cas. He can’t come between that.

At the séance, Cas and Sam have to hold hands. Sam feels his heart flutter, but pushes it aside. Cas feels something as well. He looks at Sam, feeling something that has long passed and moved on. Castiel can see the sorrow behind Sam’s eyes, knowing that it isn’t just Dean’s longing he feels. The séance begins and Cas pushes all his thoughts away.

Cas gives Sam the letter from Bobby, and he can feel Sam’s longing. Not far away though, he feels the comfort of Dean’s thoughts as well. Cas knows there isn’t much time though, and he departs with Metatron. 

That evening, Sam goes to bed thinking about Cas, longing for Cas. In his heart though, he knows Cas will always go to Dean first.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god I'm so sorry. I was in pain writing this so I hope that none of the Sastiel shippers kill me


End file.
